Quotes of the Day

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Four humorous quotations each day from The Quotations Page
Updated: 1 hour 37 min ago

Albert Einstein

Sat, 09/24/2016 - 7:00pm
"Yes, we have to divide up our time like that, between our politics and our equations. But to me our equations are far more important, for politics are only a matter of present concern. A mathematical equation stands forever."
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Voltaire

Sat, 09/24/2016 - 7:00pm
"Indeed, history is nothing more than a tableau of crimes and misfortunes."
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John Gaule

Sat, 09/24/2016 - 7:00pm
"A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that works."
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Frank Zappa

Sat, 09/24/2016 - 7:00pm
"Art is making something out of nothing and selling it."
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Samuel Johnson

Fri, 09/23/2016 - 7:00pm
"People need to be reminded more often than they need to be instructed."
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George Burns

Fri, 09/23/2016 - 7:00pm
"The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible."
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Tom Masson

Fri, 09/23/2016 - 7:00pm
"Think of what would happen to us in America if there were no humorists; life would be one long Congressional Record."
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Sir William Bragg

Fri, 09/23/2016 - 7:00pm
"God runs electromagnetics by wave theory on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and the Devil runs them by quantum theory on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday."
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e e cummings

Thu, 09/22/2016 - 7:00pm
"The most wasted of all days is one without laughter."
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Katharine Whitehorn

Thu, 09/22/2016 - 7:00pm
"The easiest way for your children to learn about money is for you not to have any."
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Joe Ancis

Thu, 09/22/2016 - 7:00pm
"The only normal people are the ones you don't know very well."
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Euripides

Thu, 09/22/2016 - 7:00pm
"Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish."
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Ralph Waldo Emerson

Wed, 09/21/2016 - 7:00pm
"A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines."
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Erma Bombeck

Wed, 09/21/2016 - 7:00pm
"Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead."
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Garry Shandling

Wed, 09/21/2016 - 7:00pm
"I'm too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I don't know."
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G. K. Chesterton

Wed, 09/21/2016 - 7:00pm
"A good novel tells us the truth about its hero; but a bad novel tells us the truth about its author."
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John Wanamaker

Tue, 09/20/2016 - 7:00pm
"Half the money I spend on advertising is wasted; the trouble is I don't know which half."
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Christopher Morley

Tue, 09/20/2016 - 7:00pm
"Read, every day, something no one else is reading. Think, every day, something no one else is thinking. Do, every day, something no one else would be silly enough to do. It is bad for the mind to be always part of unanimity."
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Bertrand Russell

Tue, 09/20/2016 - 7:00pm
"The main things which seem to me important on their own account, and not merely as means to other things, are knowledge, art, instinctive happiness, and relations of friendship or affection."
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Jean Kerr

Tue, 09/20/2016 - 7:00pm
"I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?"
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