Quotes of the Day
Four humorous quotations each day from The Quotations Page
Updated: 1 hour 37 min ago
"Yes, we have to divide up our time like that, between our politics and our equations. But to me our equations are far more important, for politics are only a matter of present concern. A mathematical equation stands forever."
"Indeed, history is nothing more than a tableau of crimes and misfortunes."
"A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that works."
"People need to be reminded more often than they need to be instructed."
"The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible."
"Think of what would happen to us in America if there were no humorists; life would be one long Congressional Record."
"God runs electromagnetics by wave theory on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and the Devil runs them by quantum theory on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday."
"The easiest way for your children to learn about money is for you not to have any."
"A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines."
"Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead."
"I'm too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I don't know."
"A good novel tells us the truth about its hero; but a bad novel tells us the truth about its author."
"Half the money I spend on advertising is wasted; the trouble is I don't know which half."
"Read, every day, something no one else is reading. Think, every day, something no one else is thinking. Do, every day, something no one else would be silly enough to do. It is bad for the mind to be always part of unanimity."
"The main things which seem to me important on their own account, and not merely as means to other things, are knowledge, art, instinctive happiness, and relations of friendship or affection."
"I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?"