Quotes of the Day
Four humorous quotations each day from The Quotations Page
Updated: 5 hours 39 min ago
"That's what college is for - getting as many bad decisions as possible out of the way before you're forced into the real world. I keep a checklist of 'em on the wall in my room."
"I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert."
"Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy."
"Barring that natural expression of villainy which we all have, the man looked honest enough."
"Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves."
"Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with, that it's compounding a felony."
"Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining."
"Computer games don't affect kids, I mean if Pac Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching pills and listening to repetitive music."
"Eccentricity is not, as dull people would have us believe, a form of madness. It is often a kind of innocent pride, and the man of genius and the aristocrat are frequently regarded as eccentrics because genius and aristocrat are entirely unafraid of and uninfluenced by the opinions and vagaries of the crowd."
"If the world should blow itself up, the last audible voice would be that of an expert saying it can't be done."
"If one sticks too rigidly to one's principles, one would hardly see anybody."
"In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better."
"Rage is the only quality which has kept me, or anybody I have ever studied, writing columns for newspapers."
"Do I contradict myself?/ Very well then I contradict myself,/ (I am large, I contain multitudes.)"
"He played the king as if afraid someone else would play the ace."
"If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age."
"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home."
"Inspiration is wonderful when it happens, but the writer must develop an approach for the rest of the time... The wait is simply too long."