Quotes of the Day
Four humorous quotations each day from The Quotations Page
Updated: 6 hours 29 min ago
"There is a tragic flaw in our precious Constitution, and I don't know what can be done to fix it. This is it: Only nut cases want to be president."
"Education is what survives when what has been learned has been forgotten."
"It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt."
"It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit."
"Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day. Give a fish a man, and he'll eat for weeks!"
"I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant."
"There are two kinds of people, those who finish what they start and so on."
"Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love, though I'd stepped in it a few times."
"It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do."
"If you don't know to the second when a drunk's gonna vomit on you, you don't survive as a strip club bouncer."
"Man is tormented by no greater anxiety than to find someone quickly to whom he can hand over that great gift of freedom with which the ill-fated creature is born."
"California is a fine place to live--if you happen to be an orange."
"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."
"What a blessing it would be if we could open and shut our ears as easily as we open and shut our eyes!"
"England and America are two countries separated by a common language."