Quotes of the Day
Four humorous quotations each day from The Quotations Page
Updated: 8 hours 31 min ago
"Like I always say, there's no 'I' in "team". There is a 'me', though, if you jumble it up."
"If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater, suggest that he wear a tail."
"The incompetent with nothing to do can still make a mess of it."
"Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone."
"What we think, or what we know, or what we believe is, in the end, of little consequence. The only consequence is what we do."
"Ours is the age that is proud of machines that think and suspicious of men who try to."
"Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion."
"Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim."
"If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur."
"What is the difference between unethical and ethical advertising? Unethical advertising uses falsehoods to deceive the public; ethical advertising uses truth to deceive the public."
"If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself."
"A newspaper consists of just the same number of words, whether there be any news in it or not."
"Music with dinner is an insult both to the cook and the violinist."
"You don't understand anything until you learn it more than one way."
"Writing gives you the illusion of control, and then you realize it's just an illusion, that people are going to bring their own stuff into it."
"Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves."
"Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them."