Quotes of the Day

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Four humorous quotations each day from The Quotations Page
Updated: 5 hours 39 min ago

Jeph Jacques

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 7:00pm
"That's what college is for - getting as many bad decisions as possible out of the way before you're forced into the real world. I keep a checklist of 'em on the wall in my room."
Categories: Fun Stuff

Evan Esar

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 7:00pm
"A husband is like a fire, he goes out when unattended."
Categories: Fun Stuff

Demetri Martin

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 7:00pm
"I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert."
Categories: Fun Stuff

H. L. Mencken

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 7:00pm
"Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy."
Categories: Fun Stuff

Mark Twain

Wed, 04/16/2014 - 7:00pm
"Barring that natural expression of villainy which we all have, the man looked honest enough."
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Carl Jung

Wed, 04/16/2014 - 7:00pm
"Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves."
Categories: Fun Stuff

Robert Benchley

Wed, 04/16/2014 - 7:00pm
"Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with, that it's compounding a felony."
Categories: Fun Stuff

Jef Raskin

Wed, 04/16/2014 - 7:00pm
"Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining."
Categories: Fun Stuff

Marcus Brigstocke

Tue, 04/15/2014 - 7:00pm
"Computer games don't affect kids, I mean if Pac Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching pills and listening to repetitive music."
Categories: Fun Stuff

Edith Sitwell

Tue, 04/15/2014 - 7:00pm
"Eccentricity is not, as dull people would have us believe, a form of madness. It is often a kind of innocent pride, and the man of genius and the aristocrat are frequently regarded as eccentrics because genius and aristocrat are entirely unafraid of and uninfluenced by the opinions and vagaries of the crowd."
Categories: Fun Stuff

Peter Ustinov

Tue, 04/15/2014 - 7:00pm
"If the world should blow itself up, the last audible voice would be that of an expert saying it can't be done."
Categories: Fun Stuff

Agatha Christie

Tue, 04/15/2014 - 7:00pm
"If one sticks too rigidly to one's principles, one would hardly see anybody."
Categories: Fun Stuff

Ellen DeGeneres

Mon, 04/14/2014 - 7:00pm
"In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better."
Categories: Fun Stuff

Jimmy Breslin

Mon, 04/14/2014 - 7:00pm
"Rage is the only quality which has kept me, or anybody I have ever studied, writing columns for newspapers."
Categories: Fun Stuff

Walt Whitman

Mon, 04/14/2014 - 7:00pm
"Do I contradict myself?/ Very well then I contradict myself,/ (I am large, I contain multitudes.)"
Categories: Fun Stuff

John Mason Brown

Mon, 04/14/2014 - 7:00pm
"He played the king as if afraid someone else would play the ace."
Categories: Fun Stuff

George Burns

Sun, 04/13/2014 - 7:00pm
"If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age."
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Robert Half

Sun, 04/13/2014 - 7:00pm
"Free advice is worth the price."
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Phyllis Diller

Sun, 04/13/2014 - 7:00pm
"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home."
Categories: Fun Stuff

Leonard Bernstein

Sun, 04/13/2014 - 7:00pm
"Inspiration is wonderful when it happens, but the writer must develop an approach for the rest of the time... The wait is simply too long."
Categories: Fun Stuff