Quotes of the Day
Four humorous quotations each day from The Quotations Page
Updated: 7 hours 43 min ago
"When a man comes to me for advice, I find out the kind of advice he wants, and I give it to him."
"Civilization is the process of reducing the infinite to the finite."
"I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago."
"Nothing like a lot of exercise to make you realize you'd rather be lazy and dead sooner."
"Man is tormented by no greater anxiety than to find someone quickly to whom he can hand over that great gift of freedom with which the ill-fated creature is born."
"What a pity, when Christopher Colombus discovered America, that he ever mentioned it."
"A sense of duty is useful in work, but offensive in personal relations. People wish to be liked, not be endured with patient resignation."
"Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do."
"If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater, suggest that he wear a tail."
"Leave it to a girl to take the fun out of sex discrimination."
"Cynics regarded everybody as equally corrupt... Idealists regarded everybody as equally corrupt, except themselves."
"Every improvement in communication makes the bore more terrible."
"Here's a tip to avoid death by celebrity: First off, get a life. They can't touch you if you're out doing something interesting."
"Old age is the most unexpected of all the things that happen to a man."
"Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own."