Quotes of the Day
Four humorous quotations each day from The Quotations Page
Updated: 3 hours 55 min ago
"Drive-in banks were established so most of the cars today could see their real owners."
"Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else."
"The whole problem can be stated quite simply by asking, 'Is there a meaning to music?' My answer would be, 'Yes.' And 'Can you state in so many words what the meaning is?' My answer to that would be, 'No.'"
"I gotta work out. I keep saying it all the time. I keep saying I gotta start working out. It's been about two months since I've worked out. And I just don't have the time. Which uh..is odd. Because I have the time to go out to dinner. And uh..and watch tv. And get a bone density test. And uh.. try to figure out what my phone number spells in words."
"There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it."
"I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter."
"This is my favorite book in all the world, though I have never read it."
"Either I've been missing something or nothing has been going on."
"Oh, come on. If you can't laugh at the walking dead, who can you laugh at?"
"As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it."
"The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting."
"Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune."
"The petty economies of the rich are just as amazing as the silly extravagances of the poor."
"Life is like playing a violin in public and learning the instrument as one goes on."
"As an adolescent I aspired to lasting fame, I craved factual certainty, and I thirsted for a meaningful vision of human life - so I became a scientist. This is like becoming an archbishop so you can meet girls."
"I don't have a bank account, because I don't know my mother's maiden name."