Quotes of the Day

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Four humorous quotations each day from The Quotations Page
Updated: 13 min ago

Evan Esar

Mon, 12/08/2014 - 6:00pm
"America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week."
Categories: Fun Stuff

Joan Rivers

Mon, 12/08/2014 - 6:00pm
"The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it."
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H. L. Mencken

Mon, 12/08/2014 - 6:00pm
"A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin."
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Tommy Cooper

Mon, 12/08/2014 - 6:00pm
"Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone."
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Laurence J. Peter

Sun, 12/07/2014 - 6:00pm
"Bureaucracy defends the status quo long past the time when the quo has lost its status."
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Quentin Crisp

Sun, 12/07/2014 - 6:00pm
"Health consists of having the same diseases as one's neighbors."
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Hunter S. Thompson

Sun, 12/07/2014 - 6:00pm
"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me."
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Harry S Truman

Sun, 12/07/2014 - 6:00pm
"It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit."
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Friedrich Nietzsche

Sat, 12/06/2014 - 6:00pm
"The man of knowledge must be able not only to love his enemies but also to hate his friends."
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James Thurber

Sat, 12/06/2014 - 6:00pm
"The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel."
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Gertrude Stein

Sat, 12/06/2014 - 6:00pm
"In the United States there is more space where nobody is than where anybody is. That is what makes America what it is."
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Thomas Carlyle

Sat, 12/06/2014 - 6:00pm
"What we become depends on what we read after all of the professors have finished with us. The greatest university of all is a collection of books."
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George Burns

Fri, 12/05/2014 - 6:00pm
"If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age."
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Samuel Johnson

Fri, 12/05/2014 - 6:00pm
"Knowledge is of two kinds. We know a subject ourselves, or we know where we can find information on it."
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Gustave Flaubert

Fri, 12/05/2014 - 6:00pm
"To be stupid, selfish, and have good health are three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking, all is lost."
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Laurie Anderson

Fri, 12/05/2014 - 6:00pm
"When love is gone, there's always justice./ And when justice is gone, there's always force./ And when force is gone, there's always Mom./ Hi, Mom!"
Categories: Fun Stuff