Quotes of the Day
Four humorous quotations each day from The Quotations Page
Updated: 13 min ago
"America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week."
"A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin."
"Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone."
"Bureaucracy defends the status quo long past the time when the quo has lost its status."
"Health consists of having the same diseases as one's neighbors."
"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me."
"It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit."
"The man of knowledge must be able not only to love his enemies but also to hate his friends."
"The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel."
"In the United States there is more space where nobody is than where anybody is. That is what makes America what it is."
"What we become depends on what we read after all of the professors have finished with us. The greatest university of all is a collection of books."
"If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age."
"Knowledge is of two kinds. We know a subject ourselves, or we know where we can find information on it."
"To be stupid, selfish, and have good health are three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking, all is lost."
"When love is gone, there's always justice./ And when justice is gone, there's always force./ And when force is gone, there's always Mom./ Hi, Mom!"