Quotes of the Day
Four humorous quotations each day from The Quotations Page
Updated: 9 hours 35 min ago
"If you don't know to the second when a drunk's gonna vomit on you, you don't survive as a strip club bouncer."
"Man is tormented by no greater anxiety than to find someone quickly to whom he can hand over that great gift of freedom with which the ill-fated creature is born."
"California is a fine place to live--if you happen to be an orange."
"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."
"What a blessing it would be if we could open and shut our ears as easily as we open and shut our eyes!"
"England and America are two countries separated by a common language."
"Look wise, say nothing, and grunt. Speech was given to conceal thought."
"The great thing about human language is that it prevents us from sticking to the matter at hand."
"There's a difference between a philosophy and a bumper sticker."
"This is the devilish thing about foreign affairs: they are foreign and will not always conform to our whim."